Monthly Archives: February 2005

What Kind of Father Do I Want to Be?

At our last coaching session, I was asked to produce a list of questions to enable discussion. Apparently, my coach was looking for just 5-10 questions but I produced much more!

One of the questions I chose as critical for my life was “What kind of father do I want to be?”. So I’ll be generating additional thoughts on this for my session tomorrow.

In case you were wondering what my laundry list of questions was:

Who am I?
What do I value?
What do I like?
What do I love?
What do I hate?
What do I dislike?
What am I looking for?
What do I want out of life?
What drives me?
What turns me on? About places, persons, things?
What turns me off? About places, persons, things?
What do I desire?
What do I want?
What do I not desire?
What do I not want?
Why do I categorize my friends?
How do I categorize my friends?
How have I changed?
How am I the same?
How do I envision myself in the future?
How do I view myself now?
How do I think others view me?
How do I want others to view me?
What kind of person do I want to be?
What kind of person do I not want to be?
What are my goals?
What do I believe in?
Where do I like being?
What do I like doing?
Why is learning and growing so important to me?
Who are my heroes and why?
Why are heroes important?
Who is important to me and why?
Why do I work?
Why do I train?
What kind of father do I want to be?
What kind of friend do I want to be?
What are my strengths?
What are my weaknesses?
What am I afraid of?
What kind of spouse do I want to be?
When do I want to be what?
What frustrates me?
What doesn’t frustrate me?
What do I admire?
What do I detest?
What parts of me do I like?
What parts of me do I dislike?
Where do I like to be and why?
What kinds of situations do I prefer?
What motivates me?
What de-motivates me?
What interests me?
What doesn’t interest me?
What types of things interest me?
Why am I doing the things I am doing now:
Startup, Piano, Training, Coaching
What do I dream about?
What do I wish for?
How do I want my kid(s) to grow up?
What kind of person/people do I want my kid(s) to grow up to be?
Why do I like my books?
Why do I quest for knowledge?
Why do I like to be creative?
Why do I like to get things done?
What do I have an affinity for?

Very thought provoking for me. Although we won’t have time to cover all these questions, I hope to find answers to most if not all at some point in the near future.

It’s all a part of really getting to know oneself. After all, if we deny or hide parts of ourselves, how can we really know ourselves and figure out how to drive our lives?


In my last coaching session, my coach recommended to me that I should try meditation as a means of calming my mind and getting re-centered.
Up to now, my multitasking tendencies made it difficult to sit still for any length of time. The only brain clearing activity I used was during highly focused moments to only concentrate on ONE thing at a time, versus many. That in itself was calming to me, to be able to think solely about one thing and not get distracted by a hundred
other thoughts.
These would be activities like running or cycling. For each of these, I cannot zone out completely or else I would get messy in my technique (see my Training blog for my thoughts on how technical these physical activities really are) or I could be put in a dangerous position like riding off the road because I was daydreaming.
Piano playing is another such activity. I love it because I am focused on reinforcing muscle memory in the keys I am playing and forcing my brain to remember notes and chords while making my fingers do the actual motions. I don’t think about anything else because if my mind drifts, my playing suffers…
Earlier this year, I read a book called The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari by Robin Sharma. It talks about a person who was so consumed with his rat-race, high speed, wheeling/dealing life that he forgot everything else that was important to him. So he goes on a quest to find himself again, reaching a monastery somewhere in Asia. In it, they also talk about meditation whereby you would start a little each day, as little as 10 minutes, and build to hours if possible. The task is to concentrate on a rose and take in all its details, examining and contemplating them.
I knew at the time that I would probably never be able to sit still long enough to try this. But now my coach has given me a new book to read on this topic, A Path with Heart by Jack Kornfield. I have just gotten into this book and it is quite good. I will post more about this topic later as I get through the book. However, I will note that this book is much more than just about meditation so more on this later…