Grasterbating

Today I heard the most funny term – grasterbating.
It’s basically doing what your sports medicine doctor does to you, but in the privacy of your own home. In this case, it is the Graston Technique, which uses these scary looking metal tools to scrape away adhesions that form in your muscles. It feels like someone is taking a knife and trying to take thin slices out of your flesh. So if you have no adhesions, it actually doesn’t hurt all that much. But if you do, it hurts like hell!
After doing this for a while, I find that when I run my fingers over my muscles, I’ll find these small bumps and it disgusts me. All I want to do is get rid of them because if they build up, they can cause injury during training or racing.
But I can’t see my Graston doctor every week, or at least at the frequency at which these adhesions form. I want them gone NOW.
So tomorrow, I go to Williams and Sonoma and Pottery Barn in search of various kitchen utensils which I can use to apply Graston to myself…and grasterbate in the privacy of my home.